i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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