It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
