Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
