i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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