I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I am naked and annoyed.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
