even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
