My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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