It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
