I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
