You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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