this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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