i just made my gag reflex go away.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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