remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
