We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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