i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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