Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
