I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Can I color on your dick again?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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