I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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