my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I hate all girls vehemently.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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