The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
