The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize