his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
