Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
