DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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