he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
