Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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