i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
