dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
