I heard we made out
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
