please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Shame - the story of my life.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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