Don't make out with my wife yet
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
