I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
