AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Someone signed my nipple.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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