so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
