We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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