sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
