Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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