Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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