oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
