If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
