Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
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Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
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Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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