What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
