it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize