An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
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He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
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If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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