Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
