he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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