You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
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