god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
