Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
