i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
