he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
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