please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
