How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I need to stop coming to work sober
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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