If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize