that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
