i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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