Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
