someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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