Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
